Here is a list of things I will do if I ever become a billionaire:
1. Pay debts.
2. Give family members 1 million dollars each.
3. Pay for all the bug nets that are needed in the world/donate a lot of money to some secular or well-accepted charity.
4. Buy the Humanities Building at UCLA and insist they name it Buttsmell Building and if not, then just Creason Building.
5. If 4. falls through, open a park called Buttsmell Park (this is an in-joke with my family - it’s not that funny and none of them read this anyways).
6. Open a punx venue in a good part of a town that is near decent public transportation systems but far from businesses or residential centers that would be upset by having a punx crowd hanging out near them. That last part is what often shut down venues that I’ve gone to in the past - either just them down or made it a bitch to go to.
7. Bury 1 million dollars in gold in a secret place and make a treasure map for people to use if they want to get to it after I am dead. If you want the money it’ll require you to go through a National Treasure-like hunt to get it.
8. Bury another million just to be safe.
9. Hire an Alfred-like butler, financial assistant and chef.
10. Offer to expand and fund Saskia’s Guinea Pig Rescue as long as she runs it.
11. Offer to fund a Secular web program like the Infidel Guy Network as long as Reggie (the Infidel Guy) is in charge of it and doesn’t hire or give a platform to all the sketchy, sexist, racist, douchey atheists out there. He must also host The Debate Hour again.
12. Fund the writing ventures of all my nerdy comic book-writing friends who I never talk to now because I can’t schedule a normal/proper day that fits in a healthy social life.
13. Donate to Plan-It-X Records if they are able to get Los Gatos Negros interested in releasing their record/graphic novel (funded by me if necessary)
14. Donate money to LBCC, UCLA and CSUN archaeology, geology and anthropology departments.
15. Create a scholarship for veterans that is also related to a program that gets them to attend PTSD courses (if they want to/need to) and write memoirs about their combat experience if they are willing to do so.
16. Fund a 2-D animated miniseries for the Harry Potter books (a book a season) that emphasizes cutting edge but traditional 2D animation.
17. Create an organization that has the goal of digitizing every single book.
18. If 17 is too lofty, get a brand new library book scanner and do it myself.
19. Get each of my past relaylays something for dealing with me as a bf.
20. Put 1 million dollars in a Swiss bank account.
21. Do something randomly altruistic based on some arbitrary criteria.
22. Start an organization akin to 17. that sets out to create audiobook editions of every book with both professional narrators, actors and the authors as readers.
23. Get a cheetah and all the ethical and proper amenities it would require.
24. Go to school for photojournalism.
25. Visit Japan.
26. Own an island (WIP).
27. More to come.